did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
