and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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