How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
