Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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