I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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