i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
