I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
