Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
