Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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