remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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