it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize