we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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