I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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