i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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