Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
