There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
