You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
