Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
