I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
