by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
