one might say we're banned from that church
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
