Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
