this beer tastes like vomit already
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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