i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
