Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
