Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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