I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
