I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
