how can u be prego again
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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