Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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