well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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