I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
