if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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