I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
