dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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