pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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