We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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