I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
