I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
