i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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