I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
