You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
