Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
