My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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