its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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