So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
