She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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