weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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