if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Randomize
