Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
