6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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