I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
