Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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