just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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