If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
