Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize