Don't you send me to vm
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
