i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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