I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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