Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
