a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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