So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
