I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
