She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
