Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
