Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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