Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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