hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
