her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it hurts more in the daytime
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
