dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
