It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
