please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
